Is House Love Real?
A small snippet of what goes on behind the scenes of a tumultuous home renovation project.
Hello Fantastic Farmers!
I find myself asking the questions from time to time: have I really lost my mind, and is deep emotion for a house a real thing? I’m just going to put it out there, right here, right now - I’m in love with Mrs. Colonial. I love everything about here - every dilapidated dent, blemish, or leaking whole. You name it, I love it all.
Despite that, I had a several-months long period of time during this severely delayed, excruciatingly stressful project where I lost all motivation and creative desire and came to the decision to sell the whole thing. That was right around the holidays. That was it! I was done. I asked my husband if he could/would help make it all go away. With a concerned and hesitant “yes” the decision was made. It was all going to be over.
House love IS real to me and I thought I owed Mrs. Colonial a proper goodbye. A week had gone by since I’d made the decision to sell and I went up to the site to let her know. I walked the dismantled site to say my farewell. Two hours into the goodbye and after visits from the deer,
the wild turkeys, and the annoying yet charming Bluejay that incessantly throws himself against the sunroom window, the magic of this old house lady took its hold. As if she had somehow grown a voice, the wind whipped up and blew open the staircase window with a loud bang! Startled, at first I thought I had an intruder. As my nerves settled down, I realized that was not the case. It became clear to me she wanted no part of a teary goodbye. She was adamant in fact: we had a deal and she was going to make sure I kept my word. You see, early on I had vowed to help her and her magical acres, and now it was as if she was demanding I see it through.
Our minds can be a tricky thing. Looking back I believe I went up there that day to convince myself I possessed the weakness to give up, and the strength to walk away, all the while knowing it wasn’t in my DNA. It was as if I needed to convince myself I was on the edge of defeat in order to find the courage to dig deep and carry on. Or, could it be that old houses really do speak and I just needed a pep-talk?
Whatever the case may be, I stayed with it. I do still wonder from day-to-day, challenge-to-challenge if I made the right decision. Time will tell. In the end, I’m hoping it will be like having a baby: when I finally get to hold the beautifully finished home in my arms, the renovation will be but a distance memory. All the headaches and frustrations will be overshadowed by overwhelming joy and a huge sense of accomplishment.
I’m glad you’re here with me, and I truly value the time you put in to following my story.